Category Archives: Humor

You’re Not Alone

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Note: This blog is part of a Thanksgiving series of blogs highlighting attributes of God for which I am thankful.

Over ten years ago, my cousin Jonathan was rushed to the Children’s Hospital in Chicago where his life lay in the balance. Of course, his family as well as our entire extended family was deeply concerned. Even as the doctors studied to diagnose and treat the infection, they warned the family of the seriousness of his condition.

Meanwhile, my uncle and aunt were juggling time in the hospital, time at home with the other seven children (who were all too young to be allowed in the room), multiple jobs, and paper routes. For one week of this time, I was able to travel to their home and relieve my aunt and uncle of home duties as well as a precious few of the job duties. My cousins and I made lots of memories that week…most of which I sincerely hope they won’t share. (That includes the “gooky” cereal, Kirsten! :))

But one moment took place which I will never forget.  Continue reading →

Peas, DNA, and Delight

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Note: This blog is part of a Thanksgiving series of blogs highlighting attributes of God for which I am thankful.

It was one of the most brilliant ideas of my young life…or at least the best idea of that long lunch.

I was born not liking peas. Try as hard as I might (which wasn’t very hard) to change my tastes, I couldn’t. It must be part of my DNA.

Before I was even old enough to reason through likes and dislikes, I knew that peas were not to be ingested—not by me, anyway. My mom has tales of how as a two-year-old, I would store peas in the sides of my cheeks refusing to swallow them. She says that when we had mixed vegetables, I could even sort the peas out from the corn and carrots while they were all in my mouth and swallow the corn and carrots while storing the peas. Apparently, I even once kept supper peas in my cheeks undetected until morning. Another time, a distraught nursery worker returned me to my parents with full cheeks of peas.

It took me a few years, but one day at lunch, I had a brilliant idea of what to do with my peas. My oldest sister, Nichole, was in charge, and both of my parents were gone. Peas had been served with lunch, and everyone else had long since finished. There I sat at the table with peas staring at me. (And peas make such awful faces when they stare.) Continue reading →

Fresh Daily

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Note: This blog is part of a Thanksgiving series of blogs highlighting attributes of God for which I am thankful.

Ring. The phone announced a Saturday morning caller.

“Hello, Bass residence, this is Michele speaking,” my sister answered the phone.

“Hi, Marcy.”

“Right now?”

“Ohhhh.”

“Yes, we will pray immediately. Talk to you later. Bye.”

We all waited to hear Michele relate the other end of her phone conversation with Marcy. “Marcy’s aunt and two cousins are visiting from out of state. Her aunt is not saved, so Marcy’s dad is witnessing to her right now. They would like us to pray that there won’t be any distractions and that her aunt will be saved.” Continue reading →

The Scales I Couldn’t Pass

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I started taking piano lessons when I was about seven. And I started practicing my scales the very same day. Not just one scale, all of the major scales. My teacher (who ate ice cream during the lesson) wrote the letter of every scale out for me in a notebook. He sent me home with the notebook and told me to practice.

I knew right away that I didn’t like practicing scales. But I also knew that the more diligently I practiced the pieces I was assigned, the sooner I “passed” them and moved on to other pieces.

And so I labored over the scales. Over and over, day after day, I read/sang the note names in a tone-deaf fashion while I worked to program my fingers to coordinate: “C, D, E, F, G, A, B, C [weary breath]; D, E, F sharp, G…”

Every lesson, I dreaded the beginning—playing through my scales. And every week, when I finished my lesson, I left with instructions to work on those horrid scales. Continue reading →

The Best Part of the Trip

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If you like to make frequent stops, plan long sightseeing excursions, and visit area friends or friends of friends, please don’t travel with me.

If you would like a leisurely trip with a full scrapbook at the end, travel with my sister Michele. Health needs and back pain have made her a great scenic traveler…besides the fact that she’s just better at enjoying the journey than I am.

Ask Michele the best part of a trip, and she’ll answer “the journey.”

Ask me? “Destination, for sure!”

Sometimes Michele and I have traveled together. Often, in fact. Those were memorable trips. Continue reading →

When Safe Means Sorry

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My earliest cooking experience resulted in pancakes that were three and a half inches in diameter and as hard as a rock. I don’t want to tell you about that time.

My next cooking experience was bound to be better. At least I convinced my dad that it would be. It turned out to be one of the most memorable evenings our family talks about.

My mom was out (probably grocery shopping for supper), and my dad was working upstairs on the addition he was adding on to our home.

I climbed the wooden stairs and stuck my head through the opening. There was my dad, framing in the rooms with the two Bible college students he had hired to help him. Continue reading →

Too Many Bozos

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It’s driving me crazy—today’s date rings with significance, but I can’t think of why. First, I thought it was perhaps a friend’s birthday. But when I texted my sister to verify, she corrected me. Sure enough, a look at my calendar for next month, and my friend’s birthday is written right there on another day. A flip back at this month, however, and today’s date is blank.

This must be carry-over from when I used to try to remember every date of possible significance. For real.

At one time, I knew when every pet we had ever had was born…and when they were sold or given away. I knew the birthday of everyone I knew, and probably what day they came over for dinner as well. I carefully kept a mental catalog of any date of significance that I thought I may someday want to refer to.

Because I raised dairy goats, some of these dates truly were at least briefly significant. (It’s good to know how old the kids are when you are selling them.) But I think in the end, I just had “too many Bozos.” Continue reading →

Adventures I Wanted to Avoid

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I’m reopening a blog post draft that I began almost six months ago, which wouldn’t be so bad if the first post hadn’t been about transmission trouble.

I’m no mechanic, but I know more about a failing transmission now than before I began this post—either time. And I know that the loss of a transmission signals one of two events—days of misery or an unfolding adventure.

Thankfully, both times I got to experience the adventure.

Adventure 1

My brother Daniel, my friend Jill, and I were 627 miles into our 2,000 mile drive home for vacation when our transmission gave out. That left us stranded on the shoulder of the interstate at 5:30 p.m. on a Friday night. Not good. Continue reading →

Conversation Snippets

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I’m not eavesdropping, but I can’t help overhearing snippets of the conversations walking past me. I’m on a layover and am sitting in a row of chairs along a long hallway between terminals in the airport. There’s a steady stream of people walking by, but they mostly come just a few at a time, so I can easily overhear their conversations.

Catching just single sentences or parts of phrases is either disturbing or humorous. Here, you can sit by me for a few moments—I typed some snippets verbatim as people walked by.

  • “I’m trying to figure out how to take the apartment.”
  • “I feel bad for you.”
  • “Oh, I’m sure she’ll be back.”
  • “Just recently, we…”
  • “And the banana was smashed a little bit because…”
  • “We’ll put it on when it’s time to.”

And the classic one, just before two girls stepped on the elevator nearby: Continue reading →

When the Thought Counts

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Think of the sounds that may emerge from an accordion when a non-musically-inclined beginner is working at it. Now, listen to it wail out the song “Count Your Blessings”—gasping in an off tempo that is struggling to keep in sync with people singing along.

You have just listened to my one-evening debut with the accordion. I’d like to be able to say that you just heard me practicing. But no, that awful rendition of “Count Your Blessings” was in public.

When I was a teenager, my family went every Tuesday evening to a local nursing home to hold a service as a ministry of our church. I loved the nursing home, and the residents loved our family. That hour was a highlight of the week for all of us.

Usually, my sister, Michele, played piano for the singing during the service. But when she was out of town one week, I had the idea that I could play her accordion. I could read notes, and I knew something of chord theory. This should be a cinch, right? Continue reading →